Life outside the Fishbowl

As everyone in Melbourne knows, we are now entering September Fever. September Fever in Melbourne can be the almost tactile electricity of the Footy finals, or the excitement of the coming Spring Racing Carnival. For me it has become the cold sweat I break into waiting to find out if I will have ongoing employment at my ‘school for the year’.
It happens in September so that teachers in my position have the opportunity to secure a job for the following year. I’m sure most of them do; and do so early on. I however do not.
After 20 years living overseas, I returned to Australia 6 years ago. I had been a teacher both in Australia and in Israel and did not expect it to be too difficult to find work. Happily I can report that I have maintained almost constant employment since returning. This has included teaching at various schools, a University, a TAFE and a dishwashing job in a cafe.
For five consecutive years the cold sweats have been true indicators. Five years in a row of being told, usually politely, that I was not really needed the following year. Five years in a row of establishing myself at a new school, of feeling your my way around the teacher community and the politics therein and of hoping that this time I had dotted all the I’s and crossed all the T’s. An interview or letter then places the boot firmly in my guts.
You, the reader, will be happy to learn however that that is not my topic here. It is mentioned only to “create the mood”. Soon after learning that I need to seek employment elsewhere, my colleagues learn about it too. An interesting dynamic is thereby created. All of a sudden I’m on the outer.
Certainly, it is awkward for everyone. It’s not pleasant to talk to someone who has lost their job, especially if he is bitter. This creates a foundation for wariness in discussions. On the flip side of the coin, self-confidence is low and the world is bleak. Awkwardness on the part of colleagues only underlines any feelings of all of a sudden not being in the know and not being included.
It is hard not to let personal issues be part of this problem. Whatever things I have going on in my life should not impinge on my professional life. This is a basic rule of thumb at work and a social skill, yet it is difficult to master. This year I emerge from my Spring Fever deflated, but more confident about myself. I hope that I won’t have the feeling of sitting on the outside looking in.
The dynamic evolves over the final term of the year. It will be interesting how it evolves this time.